I am the first.  Not because that is special, but because I was the adult; the single mother with two young children.  Being first doesn’t make me special, not at all.  For what happened, I will feel forever guilty.  I brought the chaos into their lives; I opened the door for the monster. 

I couldn’t imagine what would follow; I wasn’t equipped to comprehend a person like you.  It was a decade of abuse, manipulation, stalking and fear.  I asked myself for years why you were doing the things you did.  I learned to forgive you with and through the grace and protection of my Savior.  However, forgiveness does not mean I will forget or understand  you.  I suppose it is good that I can’t understand you for that would mean I would have to be able to think like you.  I don’t want to be able to go there.  

The second one; he was only a child. You took things out on him. You beat him when he tried to protect us.  You beat him because he was a normal teenager.  He outgrew you, way out grew you – physically, mentally, emotionally and most importantly – in his faith.  Yes, you left scars; of course you did.  But he has forgiven you and you did not define his life and who he grew to be. So much much more than you.

The third one, only a child too.  She was different.  She learned to fly under the radar with you.  She did, however, observe it all.  It left a mark on her too.  Today, she is the one that struggles with forgiveness.  She did learn a deep wisdom from the childhood you took away from her; wisdom well beyond her years.

You took away the childhood for both of them.  You took away 10 years of our lives.  We are the winners.  You could not destroy us or damage us beyond repair.  You were cut from out lives and we were spared.

He was the fourth one.  He was the one you hurt the most; he was your own.  He never experienced a  normal existence.  He was molded and manipulated all his life.  He began to accept your behavior as normal.  Even for the damage you have done, he is an amazing kid.  God walks beside him although he has no idea.  His world is just beginning to open up and bloom.  He is working hard to overcome his past.  I hope he is successful.  That would be none for you!

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I am on my third teenager.  Raising a teenager anyway, over a decade as my oldest and youngest son are ten years apart. Needless to say, I am pretty worn out and heard every excuse and line a kid can think of.  To top it all off, I have an eight year old granddaughter going on 16.  She is now beginning to come up with the same lines.  For crying out loud, this torture shouldn’t be multi-generational!

I am so weary of being told how the world works with such vehemence and assurance  from kids  that have no idea that they don’t even know what they don’t know.  In a recent conversation with my youngest son, I quoted that to him.  His response was “What the *&^% does that mean?”  My response, “My point exactly!”.  He then proceeded to tell me how utterly stupid I was……..seriously?  are you kidding me?  I have always said from 12 to 21 your response should just be “I plead the 5th”, because during a conversation with a teenager, there simply isn’t ANYTHING that you can say that won’t be misunderstood, absorbed or used against you! 

Logic of a teenager is an oxymoron term.  Logic and teenager just shouldn’t be associated in any form.  Their reasoning capability is as elusive as world peace.  I have, however, seen the metamorphis into adulthood of two of my kids.  So I do have proof the human form returns!

Ironically, some of the words that come out of my adult children’s mouths are as flabbergasting.  My daughter exclaimed not too long ago that driving back into town would be a waste of gas.  I thought…..waste of gas, waste of gas….how many times did I say that to her over her lost decade!  Now, she looks at me with a straight face and tells me its a waste of gas.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!

Finally, the moral of the story…..my oldest two have their own children now…..Oh, the delight I feel……all things have come full circle.  As we sat at the dinner table the other night, my daughter’s child (little mini me, actually) would not eat but was drinking her milk and wanted more.  Her dad took her cup away from her and set it beside him across the table from her.  She looked at him with a very serious look on her face and said “I could reach my milk if I wanted to”.  My oldest son posted on facebook how his little girl has stolen candy from the store and bemoaned how disappointed in his little angel he was.  On both instance I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!  Turnabout is fair play and sooooooo satisfying.

Beginning to Blog

November 20, 2010

Well, I am going to try this blogging thing. I love to write and everyone tells me I think too much…lol. I like to read other blogs and see opinions and ideas from others. There are many many topics I like to research and learn about. I am interest in business issues, realtionships, religion as well as others.